When I grow up...

Today I tackled the shelf above the washer and dryer. If this shelf was a file, it would be labelled "misc." It is where everything goes that has no other obvious place, or probably shouldn't be here anyway. Board games, binoculars, beach towels, clothes pins, a cooler, tablecloths...well, it looks neat, at least. But I also have two bins of craft supplies and stationery up there, filled with remnants of forgotten projects I was once so enthusiastic to tackle. These were the first roadblock I'd hit since I started this purging project. Up until now I was tossing things with no remorse or little nostalgia and feeling proud. But these bins were an ouch, a reminder of big talk and no follow-through. Those fabric swatches I was going to turn into bags, the yarn to knit into scarves, the felt for...I don't even remember what the felt was for. These bins have been virtually untouched since we moved here. And yet I still couldn't quite give up the fantasy of being Crafty Girl, selling her fabulous stuff on etsy.com. So the bins are a little lighter, but I allowed myself the luxury of hanging on to the dream. The yarn, felt, and fabric are still here. You know where to find it if you need some.

It got me to thinking about how many visions we have of ourselves in our lifetimes, from the time we are toddlers in tutus dreaming of being ballerinas, or singing into hairbrushes, "on stage" in front of audiences made up of stuffed animals. (Yeah, I did that. Whatever.) There are so few of us that figure out who we are, what we want to do, and live accordingly. I'm sure we could all make lists of what we thought we wanted to do or become that would surprise even those who know us best. Here's mine, laugh if you will. Keep in mind this is just a sampling. There are others that hurt to mention, that I wish I would've taken more seriously. Maybe I'll save those for another time.

• I think most little girls go through a phase when they want to be a fashion designer. But Fashion Plates (one of the best toys ever ) don't really give you a good taste of the reality of the job, now do they? Considering my wardrobe it's probably a good thing I outgrew this one.
• I loved taking ballet. I still have my point shoes and my crush on Mikhail Baryshnikov. I know I didn't have what it took to be a ballet dancer. But I sometimes wish I would have stuck with that one a little longer.
• Speaking of crushes, I was very serious about my goal of becoming Matt Dillon's wife. I did my homework; I knew everything I could about my future husband. Except how to meet him and make him fall in love with a fourteen-year-old with glasses and braces.
• I got hooked on the idea of being a window dresser in the 80's after seeing an ad in a magazine for Esprit clothing. The model was a 'real' person who happened to be a window dresser, something I never knew you could get paid to do until I saw the ad. I still think it's a great job to have (so maybe someday...) and I still love Esprit, even though it will never be as cool as it was back then.
• Everyone who knew me in high school knows I wanted to own a record store. Everyone who knew me in my twenties knows this will never happen. After spending over a decade working in a corporate record store, my love for that industry was sufficiently squashed. Good thing, too- if that hadn't killed my dream, the iPod would have.

I hope I have enough time left on this Earth to keep that list growing, even if those future ideas don't see the light of day. It's good to keep dreaming. But anything I come up with will most likely be kept to myself. I have announced too many goals that have come and gone unachieved that now I am trained to keep quiet. I don't need reminders from anyone of what I haven't gotten around to doing, or of how my mind has changed over the years. As you can see, I haven't forgotten a single one. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. But when I put my finger on it, you'll know. And if you see Matt Dillon, tell him I'm sorry it didn't work out.
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More clutter removed...

2 blank address books
7 packs of stickers
6 boxes of blank notecards
52 random individual cards
1 pile of envelopes
1 pack of Trivial Pursuit cards with no game
2 material swatches
1 box of leftover wedding invitations
1 box of birthday invitations
1 box of leftover baby announcements
1 bottle of dried-up Gorilla Glue
2 tubes of Crazy Glue
1 dried-up glue stick
1 bookmark
6 pens
5 pencils
1 tote bag
1 cooler
5 bibs
1 breast pump (yep, you heard me) = 98 things + previous 405 = 503