Years ago I read the book The Four Agreements. The book itself was too...um, how do I say new age-y?...for my taste but two of the four 'agreements' stuck in my head. (The other two were lost; I had to look them up to refresh my memory. That's how much I liked the book.) One was something along the lines of 'don't take things personally'. I never realized how often I was guilty of this until I read the words. I take everything personally. If someone passes me while driving, it's personal. If someone doesn't answer a text fast enough, it's personal. If it so much as rains on my day off-oh, it is personal.
The other one was 'don't make assumptions'. Yep, guilty. If I am passed while driving, I make the assumption the other driver thinks he or she is better than me. If I don't get that text response right away, I will assume someone is upset with me. And if that rain comes on my day off, I assume I will never see the sun again. And don't try to tell me different.
Since reading these words of wisdom, if you choose to believe that's what they are, I have made a solid effort to heed their advice. It has saved me a lot of grief to step back and count to three (or ten, given the situation) and remember them. But today only half of my brain was on the right track while the other half was derailing. I was on the wrong end of what I assumed was the silent treatment. I knew that this person's unusual quiet meant he was unhappy, and I was sure it was personal. I stressed much of the afternoon away, knowing I was guilty of nothing but yet thinking that somehow I was a factor in his misery. I assumed that, from this day on, I would be hated and treated unfairly. After fretting over the situation for a few hours, the silence was over. And of course had absolutely nothing to do with me.
I agree to not put myself through this again. I agree to make only one assumption: to not assume blame for anyone's misery or suffering. If I unwittingly cause you to be unhappy, you must speak up. I will assume responsibility and we will move along, together or apart. And if I have no doubt I caused some turmoil, no need to say it. I will apologize profusely and buy you presents.
Jenne - You always make me laugh - You have to be careful & not stray into my territory of asking every ten or fifteen minutes if they're mad at me...every time I end up pissing him off anyway, then he's mad at me & what ever he was mad at to begin with - tread carefully my friend :0)
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