Arms out for balance...

I am not an easy person to live with. If there were report cards given for the ability to cohabitate, mine would read "does not share well with others" and "must work on compromise and control issues". I would get failing grades for taking too much time in the bathroom, eating ice cream out of the container, and not sharing the remote. I need my space and my time, and I need things to be put where and how I want them. Some days are better than others, when I really make the effort to rein in my selfish habits, but other days I just don't have the energy to try. I am moody and demanding, a lot of take and not so much give.

My husband and I celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary last week. This sounds like a small thing, not a huge milestone. And I hope that years from now, looking back, I laugh at how I thought four years was worth mentioning after reaching more significant numbers. To me, though, four years seems pretty darn remarkable right now. Given what I just told you about me in the above paragraph, mixed with the fact that I despised my husband when we first got to know each other, plus the daily trials of raising a toddler...well, four years may as well be twenty.

Marriage is hard work. I used to hear this from couples on talk shows and I would think what's so hard? You love each other, you make each other happy. Easy peasy. (This from a girl with divorced parents, no less.) Well, marriage is hard work. So is parenting, and earning a paycheck, and maintaining friendships, and keeping a house. Unfortunately the marriage gets shoved to the end of the line too easily; it's easy to assume a spouse will just be there when you get a minute, because they promised to be around forever. I am sometimes reminded of this a little too late, when neglect has gone on a little too long, and I have to make amends.

My husband is more than I could have asked for. He is patient and giving, helpful and strong. He is a master of compromise. He is quietly loud. He is centered and calm. He is my daughter's father, my teammate, my best friend. I do not take him for granted. I work hard to keep him at the top of the list, with failures and success. Sometimes my efforts are obvious; sometimes too subtle to be worthy.

Maybe there are many keys to long, happy marriages; maybe it's as simple as love and happiness. Who knows. Right now it's all about balance. Putting as much "give" on the one side of the scale as there is "take" on the other. I'm learning, just like my daughter in her gymnastics class. She's been very focused on mastering the balance beam. "Arms out for balance", she says, her latest mantra. I'm borrowing it and very much looking forward to year five...